All Is Truth.

Some truths about me, my past and my subject matter in art.

2012-01-25T14:17:00.000-08:00

I started admiring creativity when I was quite young-- I would watch my sister as she colored in the pages of her Garfield and Disney's Hurcules coloring books. I would watch her write her name is "bubble letters" and begged her to teach me how-- I practiced constantly. I got really good at it and had the best looking notes to pass to my friends in class. Initially, I think everyone is drawn to neatness and decoration in their art making-- trying to do it just as well as someone else-- but not necessarily their own way. Taking art classes in middle school you learn little clay projects, how to map out a drawing-- of which the teacher does most of the mapping. One project in particular that I obsessed over was a paper mache project of our own subject matter and I chose the little yellow dog from the Word Processor program-- he sits in the corner waiting for you to need help and always gives suggestions on how to do things differently. I googled his image and got him from all angles and printed out the images. I brought the images to class and rendered him as precisely as possible for a seventh grade kid. His initial yellow body was changed to chocolate brown with a black spot on the back-- who knows why. I played softball for 13 years. I was a pitcher. I practiced nearly every day of my life-- millions of pitches, countless tournaments, tryouts, let downs, practices, seas of tears. I've lost precious childhood freedom being trapped in what was to become my entire life's work. I lost the skin on my fingertips so many times that we started buying what was called "new skin" for my fingertips-- but tape worked best. I developed tendonitis in my right arm and spent every day for over a year with my arm shoulder deep into an ice bath for an hour. All night was hot and cold packs. I have woken up many mornings not being able to move because I pitched for over twelve hours that day. Now, my knees are shot and I'm not an athlete anymore and just like any ex-athlete have put on the pounds-- but there is something I'm getting at-- I remember my last year of my softball career-- I noticed something was very, very wrong. When you are an athlete you learn to let things go-- physical ailments-- you start to think, "Eh, that pain is in my head-- brush it off to the wayside-- you can get over this." This thinking went on for years, naturally. I got really god at denying things. In 2006 my softball career was over and I wanted to go to school for art-- I also wanted to go home. So, here enters Lamar University. I wanted, initially, to be a graphic designer and work for a company so I could make stupid T-shirts. That idea was half-baked and lasted a few months until actual art classes flooded my brain. I wanted to be taken seriously and make really good art-- I was being competitive, of course. A few years go by and I was still taking all basic classes until my first studio class-- outside of drawing and painting-- was ceramics. We started very basically. Pinch pots-- day one. We hadn't even learned to properly kneed the clay yet. But once we did it was all over-- I thought to myself, "I want to touch this material for the rest of my life." Clay is the most basic material and the building block of all societies. It's so pure and basic that I think the thought of that alone made me fall in love. It withstands so much stress and comes out stronger than before-- it would take aeons to break back down again. It does exactly what you want it to do-- everything else is timing and alchemy-- magic, seemingly enough. Fall of 2008 was the semester my life changed. The summer before, the guy I loved moved to New Zealand to "find himself." I told him to go, that he needed it because everyone needs time alone to learn who they are and everyone should travel and get lost. I thought he would come back to be with me-- but he didn't. A few months later, a truth I had been denying for years and years was rearing it's ugly little head (metaphorically). My belly had gotten quite engorged. My mom thought there was something very wrong-- surely she thought I was trying to hide a pregnancy-- so I went to the OBGYN a few days later. I hadn't seen her in about 2 years-- I even knew something was wrong then. She felt my stomach and noticed how hard it was. She asked if I was pregnant and I said no, but she ran a pregnancy test to be sure. Negative. My heart racing, I asked what in the world was going on. She told me I had a very large mass in my abdomen and we needed to find out right away what it was. She called the hospital and had me squeezed in to get a CT scan of my abdomen and some blood work. She asked me if I wanted to call anyone and I asked if she could call my mom for me and explain what was going on. I was in shock. Tears were streaming down my face and I don't know why but I just remember feeling like I was in the principal's office in middle school and was about to get into some deep shit. Well, I guess I was in deep shit-- the deepest I'd ever been in before. It's amazing what denial can do, isn't it? I was in so much pain leading up to this point. I could barely stand up straight, my lower back was a mess, and it felt like the tightest rubber band you could find was stretched from my belly button to my urethra (crazy, I know). I thought was "holding stress" in my belly. I started attempting to do yoga and flood my body with water to alleviate some of the pain. Nothing helped. It was day in and day out of pain and denial-- until truth slapped me in the face. You can only pretend for so long-- and I felt like a liar and a fake about my body and my art for a while. A few days later the CT scan revealed what was to later be explained to me as a "Borderline Serous Tumor" in my left ovary. Surgery was scheduled ten days after I found out that something was wrong. November 4th- 14th were the scariest days of my life. I called the people I wanted to know and have retold this story more times than I can count. I remember everything. Every last detail-- it's strewn throughout my art. The worst thing that has ever happened to me is the reason I'm still here-- the memories, the fear, the scar, the body issues that just keep happening. No one tells you how your life will be when you lose an essential part of your feminine-ness. I don't know how to describe it. For a twenty one year old to go through so much and as a twenty four year old, now, still going through the remnants of the aftermath and still dealing day in and day out of how my body and chemical makeup has changed is indescribable. This is what I have decided to make art about. Art should be personal. We all have a story. Life is hard and no one prepares you for it. The first day I got back to school from recovery I started making something in ceramics. I worked with little pieces of clay because working with anything larger than the size of my fist made me clench my abdomen and was too much. I finished the piece in a few hours. The following weeks it had it's appropriate dry-time, it was bisque fired, glazed and was fired again. About two months later I got an e-mail from my surgeon of an image of the tumor itself, and it's weight-- upon my request before surgery. The images and the sculpture were quite similar in size and the way that the parts were broken up into different sections. I felt it was meant to be-- a work made from my subconscious or unconscious revealed a subject matter all my own and of which I would continue to explore because of such deep rooted connections. Finally, something to relate to and make art about! The attempt is to be as brutally honest as possible, even if it's embarrassing for me or hard to look at for the viewer. Since the first tumor sculpture I've done in ceramics, I have used steel, found objects, collage, words, drawings, paintings, and prints in my art.[Sorry about the look of this post-- technical difficulties.]

i feel your bleeding heart.

2012-01-23T23:22:00.001-08:00

I read your words and I see the pictures you find interesting and we agree so much on how to live a compassionate life. I am burdened by the fact that I have done so much silent damage to anything that might be a friendship without absolute ashamedness. You are kind, and you are special, and you don't know anything that has been done to you and you don't need to. You have been deceived and I will not say a word because I respect everything you are and you are so happy-- or at least on that road.

Barbara Kruger at Mary Boone Gallery

2011-12-13T12:51:00.000-08:00

TV will destroy your sex life.

2011-12-06T16:27:00.001-08:00

...Doing a little research on Barbara Kruger, the advent of MTV, and how advertising and multple mass media outlets has completely changed our perception of reality... i found this tid bit about how tv has changed relationships between people-- in particular, close relationships, like lovers and married couples... beware of the way it can stagnate your romantic life:

"You stare into my eyes each night at your devotions and my sense of time becomes your own, a thousand sofa-sunken evenings fused to one, lit by a mesmer fire of crackling cellophane irradiance.

You sit at night there on the couch beside your partner, yet have only eyes for me.

You listen to my voice in rapt attention, yet grow bored or easily distracted when your loved one speaks.

... And when at last you part indifferent to each other, who will you resort to in those lonely, post conjugal evenings if not me?

I am the only pure and true relationship that you will ever know."

--Alan Moore on the power of television in "Light of Thy Countenance"

My Man's a Veteran.

2011-11-11T00:05:00.001-08:00

Thank you to all of the men and women who have done the hardest things imaginable. My biggest wish is that veterans are taken care of completely by the country of which they have risked or lost their lives. I can't even begin to understand what war is like and I am so thankful that I do not know.
P.S. don't forget to get your free bloomin' onion from The Outback...

How do you thank someone for fighting for your lazy, condescending, American ass?
Well-- I'm not sure but I'll start off with dinner and a blow-j. ;]

2011-10-10T17:25:00.001-07:00

Response to Maud Lavin's "The Berlin Dada Photomontages"

2011-09-28T01:00:00.001-07:00

In Lavin's article on Hannah Hoch's work, she points out the idea of revolutions occurring when a group of people feel discontented or angry about a the present. There is no way to better the future-- or rather-- there is no will of the people to better the future if there is no anger. I think that Hannah Hoch embodies the dichotomy of anger and pleasure but mostly discontent in her works. Largely putting aside socioeconomic standpoints for a moment, just looking at her work puts you on edge. You want to know why are there floating heads, masses of people in corners, things coming out of others' ears, dancers acting uninterested? There seems to be so much confusion all at once-- so much happening that there is not a moment of peace. Machinery, chaos, flailing about, mad faces, etc. all join together in a stress-ball and that alone is enough to make the viewer think that there is something wrong happening. Hoch's work is visceral in that sense; you can automatically feel that there is an impending upheaval. One of the best lines in the article that speaks about but so far beyond art into the revolutionary scheme of things is this:
"In order to imagine a better future, Bloch argued, a person needs a sense of anger and discontent with some aspects of the present. But he or she must also know the experience of pleasure and have a feeling of entitlement to that pleasure in order to imagine an improved life." (30)

If anything I would say that Hoch's Cut with a Kitchen Knife is pivotal in the role of pointing out the upheaval. You have to wake up and upset the people to get them to do anything.

(Written by Jodi Hebert-- please do not use my words in a form of plagiarism.)

Fight Club.

2011-09-08T18:52:00.000-07:00

the tip of a ballpoint pen.

2011-09-06T01:34:00.000-07:00

the cool breeze.

2011-09-06T01:13:00.000-07:00

I made love to myself in the mirror, kissing my own lips, saying, "I love myself, I love you more than anybody."

2011-08-16T03:17:00.001-07:00

New is only new when it's new.

2011-08-02T16:28:00.000-07:00

Just lovely.

One of the best images I've seen in a while. Thanks, Byron.

getting tatted soon. (UPDATED)

2011-08-01T21:00:00.000-07:00

Manipura, Solar Plexus Chakra.

above the scar in between my tits...

(image from January 2009-- two months after surgery which was November 14, 2008)

Tattooed on August 3rd, 2011 at Santa Fe Tattoo Parlor by the very awesome Mr. Johnny Johno.

This is an image of my tumor. (6.7 lbs.)

The piece of paper represents 2 centimeters.

Frida.

This is one of the first images I put on this blog.

These are ovarian tumor cells and cross-sections.

Chakras.

There's not much separating us.

Jerry Uelsmann, 1972, Seaweed Womb.

Quite lovely and painful.

Brilliant, elegant, introspective, quiet, etc.

about making art...

2011-08-01T19:20:00.000-07:00

this is one of the first bits of information i was told as an art major...

it's true.

2011-08-01T19:14:00.000-07:00

2011-07-25T18:36:00.000-07:00

i have got to stop chasing them boys away... damn.

2011-07-24T05:01:00.001-07:00

Blog contributor #1.

2011-06-30T12:59:00.000-07:00

"wanna hear a really disturbing story about mind control?

surrre

okay. so its called neuro linguistic programming, or NLP. the majority of research done in the 70s. well some sick guys have used it in stuff they later coined "forbidden method"

its conditioning someone to react a certain way to a trained command. and this guy would immediately after sleeping with this chick...say something to drop her pleasure into fear. like; he'd point at the door and say "What would it be like if I just up and walked out the door, slammed it, and you could never open it again." of course which would upset her, and then he'd raise her back up by cuddling and being sweet.

Then once she was calm and feeling all warm n fuzzy again. He'd tell another terrible story. Again involving the door getting slammed like, he walks out, slams the door, and then later is hit by a bus and she never gets to see him again.

so this guy anchored feelings of terror and fear of loss of those warm fuzzy feelings with the door getting slammed. and put the last nail in the conditioning, by getting up, going to the bathroom and slamming the door... and reportedly, since then, all he does is direct her attention to a door, and it makes her, i dunno. immediately stop doing something he didn't like

tell me thats not some really sinister stuff

wow.
i dig it.
that's what you're contributing to my blog. thanks.

lol.
no problem. its a story thats been haunting me since i read it the other day."

-Caleb Countryman.
at: http://www.crashedgates.blogspot.com/

My blog hit over 10,000 pageviews today. :]

2011-06-29T08:17:00.001-07:00

Melodie Fay "Puff" Sexton

2011-06-24T01:48:00.000-07:00

I wanted to post this because it is a terrible loss. From the first instant I ever saw her, I honestly thought she had to be the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my entire life. I saw her walking back from lunch one day in high school. She was sitting outside reading "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" which I bought not long after. Now-- that was years and years ago. I just now, a few months ago, got around to actually reading the book. It's such a strange thing. So strange. I remember, a few days later after seeing her, and my cousin, Ryan, told me she thought I was a lesbian or something because he told her how beautiful I thought she was and I didn't mind. Seriously. She is stunning. I'm not the only one who thought that. Hearing of her death is so terrible to me. She has a three year old son.

If there's anyone reading this; please donate money to her son.

I just cannot believe it. I really can't. I wish I had known her at all. The only thing I have ever known of her is knowing her beauty. And maybe that's all I could have wished for. God knows I would not have been able to be able to handle her death beyond that. I am so sorry for her family and her friends and especially her son. I cannot imagine the loss. Rest peacefully, Melodie, I know you were loved by so many and admired by even more.

sometimes the types of decisions i have to make are as simple as:

2011-06-16T15:07:00.000-07:00

shower or bath?
should i go drink beers with my friends or no?
cold pizza or re heated pizza? with ranch or no?
side braid or librarian bun?

and to these questions today i choose:
shower,
yes,
reheated with ranch
and side braid probably. who knows.
i do what i want, bitch!

love her.

2011-06-15T00:35:00.001-07:00

that's the most beautiful braid i've ever seen.

2011-06-15T00:10:00.001-07:00

2011-06-14T23:55:00.000-07:00

dear andy,
you're beautiful to me.

if that's the case, i've had one. and yes. it is too painful.

2011-06-13T18:30:00.000-07:00

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..."
— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

what you were then, i am today. look at the things i do.

2011-06-13T00:27:00.001-07:00

i finally understand you.

2011-06-12T01:06:00.001-07:00

i am a good person.

2011-06-09T13:25:00.000-07:00

just so you know.
run and tell that to my roommates.

I met a priest today.

2011-06-05T01:20:00.000-07:00

He told me to go to Rome and stand in front of St. Peter's basilica and get the "willies".

"I can't wait," I told him.

"Oh you just have to, you just have to" he said.

I was just sitting there thinking-- you have no idea how ready I am, and I'm not going into such detail with you about just how badly I want to travel and just up and leave.

He asked what I do and I said "I go to school for art," and he said "that's just fabulous," and I said, "yeah... it really is."

He was the only one "dining" at the time-- at Colichia's-- and I was standing at the hostess stand having a really nice conversation with him. He said he doesn't go out to dinner to eat, but rather to dine-- and that there most certainly is a difference.

I agreed.

He talked about going to school in Rome to become a priest and mostly about how there you dine and the waiter rushes about and you have to chase after them for your ticket-- and that there isn't a huge fuss about being entertained or spoiled by your waiter. I told him how hard it is when customers just don't understand how much a waiter has going on. He explained that he always tells a waiter to not fuss over him because he is in no rush-- but if given the chance he would want to talk to you-- or not at all.

He said, that being a priest, there's a lot of talking and catching up with various people and families and sometimes it's just so nice to sit down by yourself and enjoy a meal without a word-- and he said he also enjoys someone who can just sit and enjoy a meal and each others' company. He said sometimes people want to have such serious conversations at dinner and it's just nice when it doesn't have to be that way.

I agreed.

He said that when he went to school to become a priest, that he actually wanted to know what he was talking about-- that he actually paid attention. I told him how much I loved school.

He had two glasses ( I believe) of white wine, salad and an entree. He talked a lot with Alexa who is about to burst-- she is due in 23 days... the countdown has begun. I've heard her say the same schpeal about her first pregnancy and this one--probably a hundred times. I hear a lot from that hostess stand.

Any how, the priest, Steve, said that he lives in the "hood". He got the job there because he can speak Spanish-- because the priest above him said that he desperately needed someone who could speak Spanish. He threw Spanish in regularly in our conversation. I acted as though I wasn't phased at all. Just a polite smile for such a nice conversation.

I think that's the first priest I've ever spoken to-- aside from the Catholic Priest-turned- Buddhist Monk at Buu Mon Temple right down the road from Priest Steve.

He would often look off to the side and down in thought and he said "I think I buried Miss Colichia, you know, Scott's Mom... I'm pretty sure I did. I'm going to have to go back and look."

"Oh my goodness it's ten fifteen. I know y'all are tired. I'm going to have to get out of your hair."

"It's okay sir, we're here anyhow and it's just such a pleasure talking to you" said Jason.

It was a nice end to the night.

i imagine you, in your travels, thinking about me...

2011-06-05T00:58:00.000-07:00

"I wish you could have been there for the sun & the rain & the long, hard hills. For the sound of a thousand conversations scattered along the road. For the people laughing & crying & remembering at the end. But, mainly, I wish you could have been there."--Brian Andreas.

i constantly read and see things that make me think of you and foolishly, vainly, and wishfully assume that you do the same...
i plant you in situations, conversations, nighttime dreams...
i know it's just a fantasy...
but regardless... i still think of you constantly.

and the only thing i get in return is absolute silence.

guess she gave you things i couldn't give to you.

2011-05-31T20:37:00.001-07:00

i fucking love you.

2011-05-31T04:06:00.000-07:00

This is my 300th post.

2011-05-28T13:44:00.001-07:00

I like the scarring.

Whore no more...

2011-05-28T01:12:00.000-07:00

the feeling of someone unzipping your jeans...

2011-05-23T19:09:00.000-07:00

-sunshine monologue.

Salvador Dali's Down the Rabbit Hole, 1969

2011-05-22T01:37:00.000-07:00

From his Alice in Wonderland print series...

I will post more later.
Also, on the same note as upcoming posts i will also be submitting images from my artist research this semester, and once i get a CF card reader i will be posting a slew of other images that have yet to make it's way off that card.
Like another "Bachanalia" series (photography) from October.
Better images of drawings from this semester.
And some sculptures i did this semester...
Etc.

I'm also starting a new series of paintings, not to mention already have a pretty solid idea of my next ceramic sculpture series.
STAY TUNED....
So much more to come...

SUPERimposition.

2011-05-22T00:48:00.000-07:00

bitch you come up in my house you eat my food the way i FUCKING MAKE IT! tip yo waitress.

2011-05-14T02:24:00.000-07:00

boob in hole.

2011-05-11T06:09:00.001-07:00

Gracie&Jodi

2011-05-11T04:41:00.000-07:00

we go way back.

2011-05-11T02:59:00.001-07:00

i still find pieces of your presence here-- even after all these years.

2011-05-10T16:23:00.000-07:00

"Mirror Drawings" (part of my Drawing V final, spring 2011)

2011-05-10T04:29:00.000-07:00

i don't remember because i don't need to...

2011-05-09T22:03:00.001-07:00

so says the tao:

Things arise and she lets them come;
things disappear and she lets them go.
She has but doesn't possess,
acts but doesn't expect.
When her work is done, she forgets it.
That is why it lasts forever.

2011-05-07T23:12:00.000-07:00

i love how anatomically incorrect this is.

2011-05-05T01:24:00.000-07:00

Tumor Removals in 1825

2011-05-04T23:28:00.001-07:00

Hanaoka Seishu's Surgical Casebook c. 1825

great great great images.

2011-05-03T08:36:00.001-07:00

2011-05-03T02:03:00.000-07:00

2011-05-03T01:52:00.001-07:00

my body.

2011-05-03T00:52:00.000-07:00

"I searched for God and found only myself. I searched for myself and found only God." Sufi wisdom

2011-05-02T00:53:00.000-07:00

2011-04-29T01:50:00.000-07:00

yes ma'am.

2011-04-28T22:21:00.000-07:00

happy walker girl.

2011-04-28T16:10:00.000-07:00

Sticking it to the man... i guess.

2011-04-27T00:25:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to follow the rules.
... don't know how or don't fucking want to....
my photography professor, joe, made me fully aware of this.
and, he's so, so, so, so right.
at least he respected me for it.
we'll see how you respond, now.

"you pretty much did whatever you wanted to with a big fuck you... and for some reason it worked out..."
-- are you allowed to use quotes when you don't exactly remember how someone said something?
oh well-- fuck you.

...from Kama Sutra...

2011-04-25T03:50:00.000-07:00

Summer 2012

2011-04-25T00:43:00.000-07:00

I am now saving to buy a passport.
Also I began my application process for the Peace Corps.
I still have some essays to write and paper work to find-- issues from the past like getting arrested when I was 19 for being wasted, college transcripts and I need to create a resume'.
Things are going to be a lot different next year.

i have no desire to sit at home the rest of my life and acquire money.

2011-04-19T21:46:00.001-07:00

linkage for the day

2011-04-18T21:47:00.000-07:00

http://flavorwire.com/171529/gorgeous-photographs-of-elderly-animals/comment-page-1#comment-64631

http://dogphotographyofnewyork.com/flash/dogphotogallery4.php

http://www.irontrilobite.com/

http://www.ghosttheory.com/2011/04/18/video-alien-body-found-in-russia

and always,
them-thangs.com

One Tap Iron Pour at Lamar University.

2011-04-18T19:50:00.000-07:00

That's me in the yellow hard hat who someone hits with the cowbell at the beginning of the video.
It was my job to bot the furnace after the first tap.
This is an iron pour called "One Tap" that we did at Lamar University in front of our art building and the Dishman Art Museum.
An art show directly followed this demonstration and was entitled Arrested Form.
Art works by the Texas Atomic Iron Commission.

2011-04-18T18:49:00.001-07:00

there are very few paths of life that require you to be passionate.

2011-04-07T15:15:00.001-07:00

show me a better cover than this....

2011-04-07T04:34:00.000-07:00

i'm closer than i've ever been before.

2011-04-07T04:10:00.001-07:00

fuck it, i'm gonna live my life.

2011-04-07T04:09:00.000-07:00

now... i make art and quite often it moves me more than i can possibly express.
and uh, i guess what i'm really trying to say is that if i can ever move someone to feel something or uh, i don't know... if i can make you feel something then that's enough for me.
i always wish that my works could have little segues like a musician has. they are lucky.

SIT DOWN AND LET ME TELL YOU A STORY.

2011-04-05T20:36:00.000-07:00

an involuntary grin forms on your face.

2011-04-04T15:04:00.000-07:00

today's wanderings.

2011-04-04T03:08:00.000-07:00

2011-04-04T00:54:00.001-07:00

get yo fingers licked.

2011-03-30T13:07:00.001-07:00

2011-03-29T20:36:00.001-07:00

if it were my birthday, i'd just want a massage and some head.
isn't that what everyone wants?

LINES, MANTRAS, REPITITIONS.

2011-03-28T22:39:00.000-07:00

know that you are woman

2011-03-28T19:01:00.001-07:00

and love yourself for that very reason
--even if it's that alone.

2011-03-27T22:54:00.001-07:00

2011-03-27T18:22:00.001-07:00

2011-03-27T16:59:00.001-07:00

when you've been in school for 6 years.....

2011-03-24T16:25:00.001-07:00

2011-03-23T20:13:00.001-07:00

i like the way my hair smells

2011-03-23T18:37:00.001-07:00

after a few days of not washing it.

coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee

2011-03-21T15:34:00.001-07:00

this is one of the oddest thing's i've seen in a while.

2011-03-19T01:45:00.000-07:00

i just...
uh....
hahahahah.
don't get it.

it's fabulous.

2011-03-17T02:47:00.000-07:00

2011-03-15T06:42:00.001-07:00

i can't go back, and i don't want to.

2011-03-14T01:16:00.000-07:00

i was telling someone that i was being sarcastic and usually am...
and he asks why i don't just say what i mean? isn't it much easier to say what you mean?

not everyone wants the truth, sir.
and i guess if you knew me than you'd catch onto my tone.

"i have some friends- they don't know who i am.
so i write quotations around the word friends.
but i have a couple that have always been there for me...."

did i say that i need you?

2011-03-13T05:35:00.000-07:00

did i say that i want you?
if i did then i'm a fool, you see.
no one knows this more than me.

realizations through repetitions.

2011-03-08T23:24:00.000-08:00

there's something about feeling free when you feel like you don't actually belong.

there's something about me pushing you away or giving up or letting go-- or something-- that makes me think you'll notice me more; makes me more comfortable to say what i want; makes me feel more on your level.

there's something about this time in my life where i am in complete transition and on the verge of total annihilation or being completely stuck.

there's something about wanting to be a part of what is going on here but wanting to start completely over.

there's something about wishing i could stay and see how it goes and also knowing that if anything was ever to happen-- it would have already.

there's also something about knowing all of this and knowing me and knowing that you never know.

Let me be the exception.

2011-03-08T00:11:00.000-08:00

“It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness.
We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.”

- Chuck Palahniuk

Archie

2011-03-06T12:32:00.000-08:00

He is getting too gorgeous.
My nephew ladies and gents...

Look at those baby blues.

Having some bites.

Love Child

2011-03-03T00:30:00.000-08:00

Poppa Rauschenberg, I need your wisdom...
Guide me towards a possible solution.
So many thoughts, so many elements, so much more to do.
Help me put it all together.

P.S. I miss you.

2011-03-02T17:43:00.000-08:00

i really miss my nightly ritual. :/

2011-03-02T14:29:00.000-08:00

How to sell yourself without selling your soul.

2011-02-28T00:46:00.001-08:00

gonna find another place, maybe one i can stand.

2011-02-28T00:29:00.000-08:00

"I know that starting over is not what life's about.
But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth."

I can feel everything.

2011-02-24T00:40:00.001-08:00

The little things.

2011-02-23T22:50:00.001-08:00

taking your ass to court

2011-02-21T22:04:00.000-08:00

and winning because you're a liar will be really empowering for me.
i really appreciate my REAL friends who will be by my side in this, too.
this is totally unnecessary and you're a fucking liar.

I can't get me no...

2011-02-21T21:41:00.000-08:00

a-no no no!

I'm gonna get me some satisfaction.

2011-02-17T22:54:00.000-08:00

i'll make a damn smoothie if i fucking want to.

2011-02-17T19:57:00.001-08:00

aw poor baby was sleeping this morning at 10 am when i made a smoothie and you waited all day to talk to me about it and i didn't care? awwww. get over it.